In our community webinars we discuss a very wide range of topics relevant to our journey of awakening, healing and growth. In our Sunday Sessions our discussion is often prompted by whatever intuitive insights or wisdom I get for the week ahead. This past Sunday we were given greater clarity around the current eclipse portal we are in and the deeper undercurrents of transformation that is occurring.
What struck me most in our last session was the insight I got around how we are ending one soul purpose and starting another. It was made so clear to me how in this time the old consciousness which, has lived within us and informed our life purpose until now, is dying and the seed of a new consciousness is expanding and is what will flow through us informing our life and our soul purpose moving forward.
Most don’t consciously know what their soul purpose is let alone how to articulate or describe it. It can be a hot topic and one that is often confusing and difficult to determine especially when our purpose is so uniquely and individually ours. I personally have always had a strong drive to change the world and for so long believed that must be what my purpose was.
As a small child I was aware that things needed to be different. Growing up in a country where segregation and separation were law it was obvious to me that this was wrong, and change was needed. However, as I child I felt powerless and at the mercy of what the adults decided and didn’t know how I could effect change. As a teenager I rebelled against everything that I deemed unfair using my anger to push boundaries creating chaos and harm to myself and others as a result. As a young and pregnant 25-year-old I felt overwhelmed with the need for there to be change for the sake of my children but clueless as to how to bring it about.
Finally with the birth of my first child I realized that it was me who needed to change. That unless I did, I was fated to walk in the footsteps of my mother creating more damage and more wounding for myself and my child. In those first few hours after her birth I was overwhelmed with the weight of what of what needed to change and the sense of responsibility I felt. I knew that this was a critical turning point in my life where I had to choose to either continue as I was or completely transform myself so that I could be the best version of myself that my daughter needed me to be.
At the time I didn’t have the language or the understanding to know that the choice I was facing was a choice between my ego and my soul. The overpowering love that I felt for this tiny human who was my daughter thrust me towards my soul and into a new state of being that was both humbling and terrifying as I consciously choose to fully align with that greater part of me, my soul, and allowed that force to take over. Once the choice was made there was no going back and so began my journey of awakening and radical healing.
My life was centered around my child and what I needed to do to create a life and world that supported, nourished and encouraged her soul. It definitely wasn’t an easy way to be as every facet of my life and myself was turned inside out. I hadn’t been taught how to be this way for my child and had no role models I could model myself on. As a result, I was forced to continually turn within to reflect and assess myself, my life and the ways in which I was choosing to live. Consequently any illusions I had lived with crumbled and with them most of my relationships. Basically, my entire world fell apart and me with it.
Before Chloe’s birth I was dabbling in spirituality. It was something new, unusual and exciting. To be honest I didn’t really take it seriously but the experiences I had in the first year of Chloe’s life pushed me to find alternatives to what convention was dictating both for myself and for her. I was in total crisis and nothing in the conventional sense was helping. I had gone to doctors, psychiatrists and therapists all of which just added to the crisis. Almost as a last resort I turned to energy healing and finally found some understanding of what was happening to me and why.
I remember one session with the energy practitioner where she told me my purpose was to be a mother. I was enraged. Seriously. WTF. What kind of soul purpose was that when all children eventually grow up, leave home and go on to live their own lives. What was I supposed to do when that happened?! Then what was my purpose? Well, that happened. My girls grew up, finished school, started studying and began living their own lives. I’m still their mother but my role and influence is different. I am no longer the sun that they orbit their life around. They have found their own inner suns and are following their own paths exactly how I wish it to be.
As grateful as I am that I have two well adjusted, conscious and soul infused children I was initially pretty depressed and very sad when my eldest left home and the youngest finished school. I remember thinking ‘Now what?’ My whole life had been orientated around them and their needs. Now there was just space and time which had once been filled with them.
Once I got over the initial depression and grief, I was able to take a step back and see that within this new space something new could emerge. I didn’t realise at the time that what would emerge into this space is a new purpose and with it a new way of living and being in the world.
I started this week feeling a lost and rudderless. Purposeless if I am truly honest. I laugh now because now I get it. I GET IT. God I can be so dumb. It was all perfectly designed and planned. Yes, my soul purpose was to be a mother. It was who I was, what I did, what I embraced thoroughly and the path through which I have learnt, grown and healed. It has been my greatest teacher and it is because of the love of my children that it has all unfolded. What a beautiful purpose to have had. I will always be my children’s mother and I will always be there for them in all ways that they need me to be but now my life is changing and transforming once again. I stand literally in a new space, in a new country, in a new world with an abundance of opportunity and potential.
Today as I navigate these final days of this eclipse portal, I am excited to see what is next. What my soul has planned for this next phase of my life, my growth and my healing.